So, after getting sick, it seems to be hard to get that momentum back on journaling every day (or weekday, at least). I know it’s because I tend toward perfectionism, and now that I haven’t written every day, it’s not as exciting any more. I can keep doing this, though. Surely I can at least get through the initial 100!
With that in mind, here’s number 29.
Write about a disappointment.
Life is so full of disappointments. My first thought was, How to pick just one? My second thought was that I can’t even think of one.
Well, I’m disappointed that I got behind on the entries.
I was disappointed when Bennett fell asleep on the couch the other night and then had…an accident.
I was disappointed when the power windows on the van stopped working.
These, however, do not seem quite the caliber of disappointment that I am apparently supposed to summon up. They feel pretty lacking, matter of fact.
I closed my eyes for a few moments and let my mind run…but the place it seems to go the most is disappointments from Ben to me, and I don’t care to post those because it really seems like a betrayal. Like I can expose myself on here (to a point, at least) but I can’t really do that to him. That narrows the disappointment playing field down quite a bit.
The real topic becomes:
Write about a disappointment without hurting anyone that you love or bringing up any bad memories that would make the other parties in question sad.
And how can I do that?
Even if a person doesn’t read my journal currently, I’m posting it on the stinkin’ Internet, for Pete’s sake. It could easily get back to anyone, or be read sometime in the future by the other players in the tale of disappointment.
I’m not really into hurting other people’s feelings.
So I have a couple of options.
One is to write about sometime I was disappointed in myself. These will probably not work because if I am going to be disappointed in myself, it is probably still too raw and personal to get posted, so sorry. I even want to keep secret the ones as a kid. Oddly enough, I can’t even think of one of them at the moment, but I get that nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach when I start to try, so I drop it.
Or I could write about somebody dead.
The problem with that one is that first, I’m not cool with speaking ill of the dead. Second, my dead people get elevated higher and higher to near-godhood status the longer they have been gone. Third, I can’t think of anything. As usual.
I could also write about something disconnected with me, like my disappointment in a movie or celebrity…i.e. I was disappointed when Arrested Development went off the air. But that, my friends, seems a little lame.
Think, McFly, think.
Twenty minutes have passed and I still got nothin’.
I waited another five, and now I am ready to say Uncle.
I have hope for tomorrow…and then the weekend! Wow! Goes fast when you skip the first three days of the week.