Back in the saddle

It is so easy to get off track with this! It has been exactly one week since I last did my journaling. I have an excuse though. I was super-flu sick and could barely think, much less write a journal entry. Or maybe it was because I was so smug about doing so well writing each day. Pride cometh before a fall, does it not?

27. What was it like to spend your first night away from home?

Honestly, I don’t remember. Shocker, I know. I have vague recollections; nothing more. I remember sleeping on the pull out couch with Becky in her living room after playing the Clue VHS game until really late.

And I know we did that several times, and I know there were slumber parties in there somewhere, and I can’t remember a lick of them.

I know that one of the first times I went to Falls Creek, I got homesick and called home on the pay phones. I distinctly remember standing outside at the row of phones, waiting my turn, and then hearing the satisfactory sound of coins dropping into the slot and making the phone usable. I remember hearing their voices, and how good it made me feel to talk to them.

I don’t remember what we talked about.

I went to children’s camp too, and things like that, but Mom was a counselor or cook or something most of the time, and I didn’t have to be there by myself. I’m the same way. I don’t want to let Lenora go to camp without me. I’m overprotective, I guess.

I remember being scared my first night at college. I have always been a little frightened in the dark when I’m alone. I called Mom and Dad (again from the payphone) the next day or so and convinced them to come to Carmen for their 100th anniversary celebration that weekend. It was so nice of them to come. It was hard to be alone like that for the first time. I wasn’t as scared when my roommate came.

When I moved to the apartment at the end of that summer, I was very scared there. I used to watch TV very late with Ben so he would fall asleep on the couch and I would have him there all night instead of him going back to his parents’ house. I knew it didn’t project the best image, but I was so scared!

I’m a little ashamed to admit that one of the big reasons I wanted to get married so early was because being alone at night was scary.

I don’t get so scared now, since there’s usually someone else here with me. I still don’t go into a room that’s dark…I always snake my arm around and hit the switch first. When I go out the car at night, I start back in by walking calmly…but about halfway back I get nervous and sometimes start walking quick or jogging to the door. If I have to put the chickens up at night and I can’t find a flashlight, I constantly imagine that someone/thing is going to snatch me up in the dark.

Now I’m scaring myself, and I’m sitting in the dining room in broad daylight…the clock says it’s 12:34; that’s kind of cool.

This wasn’t really about my first night away from home, but at least I’m back in business.

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