I think I work better without anything around me. I used to have a lot of cute things in my office – stuff from Frozen, artwork I’d made and my friends had made, stacks of books, plus piles of papers, unsorted bills, and other things I’d accumulated. But when we renovated the office area (it’s part of a mother-in-law add-on at our house that we cleaned up for my parents if they need it) I moved everything out. And now all that is in here is a desk, computer, printer, trash can, shredder, desk chair, floor mat, comfy chair, lamp, bookcase that is half filled and orderly, and the little hassock that my printer is sitting on.

I also have my laptop bag, a small stack of pink index cards with the scenes from my work in progress, and three essential oil blends I got yesterday from an etsy seller that are writing related and adorable. Oh, and there’s a desk lamp, monitor, external keyboard, mouse, and two wrist rests.

The desk is packed full of stuff that I really should go through, but other than that, there’s nothing else. And I guess when I write it out it sounds like a lot of stuff, but it’s not, really. And it’s nice. It’s nice to have all this white space around me. Well, the walls are light gray but you get me. It’s very calming.

Of course, speaking of the walls I noticed my new desk chair has made a few marks on the wall behind me and I need to figure out how to get those off.

When I was a junior high kid, I got put into in-school-suspension because I was not doing my schoolwork. Most kids got in there for fighting or things like that but I got it for not doing any homework. The teachers knew I was more than capable, and I guess they didn’t know what to do with me.

I LOVED IN-SCHOOL-SUSPENSION.

The only awkward part was when people saw me at lunch or after school and asked where I was all day and I had to tell them, and I was embarrassed about it. But being in the little room off of the school secretary’s office where the big butcher paper rolls were stored? That was blissful. I just sat there, with no window out and nothing really to look at. The teachers gave me my schoolwork at the start of the day, and instead of having to listen to them lecture about it before I could start working, I could just read the instructions and examples and go for it. Instead of having hours of homework every night that was too bothersome to do, I got it all done in probably an hour and spent the rest of the day reading the novels I’d brought with me. I only got to stay in there for three days, and when they put me back into the classroom, I went right back to my old habits. Poor teachers.

But looking back, I can see that the distractions were hard for me in school. And it was dreadful having to listen to a teacher lecture when I could figure out what to do on my own and just get it done. I still prefer to read something than watch a video telling me the same thing. I really dislike weather videos on facebook. Just give me a few sentences so I can go on with my day. And instructional videos on youtube. No, written instructions please or, you know what? I think I’ll just figure it out on my own.

So, long story short, I didn’t know I had ADHD until just recently, and it’s interesting learning more about myself and my learning styles.

I know this was kind of rambly but that’s also okay.

Nothing really to add here but I haven’t posted since this summer so now that it’s after Labor Day it seemed like it was right time to do it.

I am still plotting the NEW thing and it’s still a really good idea. It’s difficult to work on though. I think it has something to do with what I perceive as little to no progress in publishing for me. We aren’t supposed to compare ourselves to others but it’s difficult. I have had work on submission for almost five years now. Lots of positive rejections but no sales. It’s hard to identify what I am doing wrong and how to change it. It’s hard to get motivated to write another book when it may all come to nothing, again. I had a goal for several years. Write a good enough book to get an agent. And I stayed motivated and I met that goal. But the flatline I hit after that has not been easy to comprehend or work with.

I believe God has a plan for each of us. Is this not His plan for me? Is that why it just isn’t working out? I have been to therapists about this (and other issues) but I’ve never seemed to find the solution. Is this burnout? Is there a way back from it? I still have hope but I can’t seem to get the fire fully lit under me and I don’t know what to do about it.

Well, that got realer than I anticipated.

I have started something new. I wanted to write it here so I’d remember the date and know that I believe I am on the precipice of something very important.

My current WIP is not going well. I can’t get into it. It’s a good story, and I like the characters, but writing feels too much like work at the moment. I need it to be more fun. The world is in chaos and I want to be able to lose myself to my work, as best I can.

I believe this is a middle grade. I haven’t done one in a while. I am working on the setting. This is different for me, because I feel the need to map out the world and plan out all the characters that live in this world before I even begin writing. I do have a feel for the soul of the main character, at least, although I do not know gender or much else. But I am starting to know who they are. But I want maps and information about all the areas on the maps and information on all the characters and their families and friends. Beyond main and secondary characters, to some degree.

Most times when I write I don’t plot out much. I tried it with the current WIP and I have it all and I know what’s going to happen, but it hasn’t captured my imagination. I don’t know why I feel even more plotting and planning will work, but hey, maybe it won’t. The thing is, I want to design this world and plan this town and all the people. It sounds fun to me. And hopefully when I’m finished I can give the people in it the story I am simmering in my mind.

For now I want to find some good software to build my maps in.

Got a few new words yesterday and then plotted out the next scene, which had been proving difficult. Got some help brainstorming from my friend Kim and that proved invaluable.

Today I was so busy, as usual, but maybe my eyes were opened a bit to how busy I actually am and how much I typically do. It’s not really surprising that I haven’t gotten much writing done lately. Today:

…My son woke me up because he missed the vo-tech bus and needed a ride to the county seat, thirty miles away.
…I did my chronological Bible study and also read some of the book of Luke, for a weekly class I’m doing.
…I went to the store and got eye drops since I’ve still got my sinus issue and it hurts my right eye.
…I’m sick, lol.
…I went to see my therapist in Oklahoma City.
…I’m now at work and will be here for a couple of hours. I’m thinking if I get everything done I’ll attempt to write some here.

And I also need to find my daughter’s headshots for an audition Saturday (I hope I find them because if I don’t, doing new ones will take a LOT longer) and I need to get my son’s transcript done for vo-tech. I only have today and tomorrow to get those things taken care of. I’m also having some small issues with the new medication. I’m kind of tingly/numb on my fingers and feet, and my cheeks, and that’s disconcerting. Also, my stomach started hurting last night about this time and now it’s happening again. I ate a cheese stick in the hopes of warding it off if it’s hunger (last night I didn’t eat anything but it went away after an hour or so).

And, not gonna lie, I also watched an episode of The Office because I’ve been listening to the Office Ladies podcast in the car and this one had a few things I wanted to see so I ended up watching all of it, and I played a few rounds of my favorite phone games. And I looked at social media. But not as much as usual, thanks new medication.

And I am fully aware that blogging here is another way of procrastination from my actual work of my novel. But this is infinitely easier, and I feel like I should do it somewhat often.

Tomorrow I’m going to try to write first and then do the rest. I really wanted to do the Bible stuff first, but that has gone pretty well since the first of the year so hopefully I can continue with it even if it’s not first. Writing seems to be the hardest of all, at least for now, so I should do it when my brain is freshest. We’ll see.