Category Archives: On Writing

#amwriting once again

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Today I felt off, somehow. Maybe I’m getting sick, maybe it’s just mental/emotional. I have a hard time understanding the way I’m feeling most of the time. Lately it’s seemed like I’m just not doing anything or accomplishing much. Too much watching tv and taking care of the house, and not enough living. Part of that is probably due to the cold snap we are just now coming out of. I hadn’t left the house in days, due to bad roads and just wanting to stay at home and hibernate.

This morning I felt like I had to do something different. So I went to Newcastle and picked up a library book I had on hold for book club, then went to Mustang to the community center gym. I walked on the indoor track for a half hour or so, with no music, no audio book, no podcast. Just me and my thoughts. My brain doesn’t seem to think as well as it used to, but maybe if I just force it to work instead of placating it with distractions, it will get better. I talked to myself some as I walked, about my books, about my plans, about my dreams. I talked about my current novel and wasn’t thrilled when I had a hard time remembering my protagonists’ names. But they did come to me after a minute.

I came to the conclusion that I need to try to write at night again. I have been telling myself for years that I need to write in the mornings. That I need to do it first thing, while my mind is the freshest. But in all honesty, I’ve done the majority of my writing at night in the past. I would take care of the house, and the kids, and whatever else, and then in the evening I would finally get time to myself and I would sit and write. I haven’t wanted to do that for a long time for various reasons…but I think that time is past now. If writing last night before bed worked for me before, I think I owe it to myself to try it again.

My mind might not be early morning fresh, but mornings are too difficult. There’s the question of breakfast, and emptying the dishwasher, and taking care of Mom’s breakfast and a dozen other little things. Then I start thinking about the things I need to do during the day. But at night none of those things matter. I’m done with my work for the day an I can relax and enjoy my writing.

So that’s what I did tonight. It’s been a long time since I worked on this, so I read what I had written before, doing some small edits and tweaks. Then I went ahead and wrote a paragraph about what was going to happen in the next two chapters. Which is great, because I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. Now I know, and I can think about that tonight and tomorrow, and then hopefully knock out some real words tomorrow evening.

I prayed before I began, asking for help, and after, thanking God for how well it went. I want this book to be like my first, which I still feel like came directly from God – from Him to my measly brain. The idea was not mine, and the writing just poured out. I wrote that novel in a month. I’m praying for another download from God. Just something that feels like it’s writing itself. The new chapter outlines felt like that, so I’m optimistic.

Agent and auto and assistance

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I just got off a zoom call with my agent and that was good. It was nice to just talk to her and feel like a writer for a little while. She’s having a hard go of it right now with her life, just like me, and we caught each other up a little on that and then discussed my books. She’s going to reread the young adult novel I sent to her, and she’s going to send several of my books out again in January.

When we were done I called our insurance agent because of that accident Belinda was in back in October. I asked for their advice, since I could not afford to help in any way with the other person’s car – and that’s still assuming she was at fault.

So they told me to go ahead and file a claim. The deductible is $500, which is less than what he was wanting, but I also don’t have $500, of course. They said that they will write a check for the amount of the damage minus the $500, and if I can get someone to fix it for the amount they give us, I can do that. So maybe I will get lucky on that. It will be nice to fix the car, since it was in pristine condition before this, since it was my mom’s. Our insurance will go up, they said. But I’ve already paid the insurance for December, so this is future Regina’s problem. And surely he will have a job by then! Or something!

The assistance part of my title is that I went to a food pantry today. I’m a good stockpiler so we have canned food, but we didn’t have much perishable food. They were so nice and it was so hard. When the lady at the church showed me the bread table and told me to take all I wanted, I started to cry. They also gave me a small amount of milk and orange juice, plus two pounds of ground beef and a package of hot dogs, along with some boxed and canned things. I tried not to take very much. I felt guilty, like I was taking from people in more need than me. But it really will help us.

It was a husband and wife team that ran the food pantry, and they knew Belinda because the husband leads our American Legion, and they’re the ones who sent Belinda to Girl’s State. They told me to tell her hi.

Thirty days of gratefulness – An Opportunity

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Today’s prompt is An Opportunity.

I am very grateful that I am now writing again for the Tuttle Times. My friend Jayson is the editor now, and he posted on facebook that he was looking for something to write for Minco and Union City, and get paid by the story, and I commented that if he was ever looking for someone for Tuttle, to hit me up (cause I don’t want to do Minco and Union City, sorry not sorry). He did, and I’ve been doing stories them for over a month now, which is wild because it’s gone by very quickly. It’s not a lot of money but it is nice to be getting a little something. And I am enjoying getting a toe back into the local news and community scene. It’s been a long time.

It couldn’t have come at a better time, too. I used my first check to help us out during the trip to DC for surgery earlier this month. And now the second and third checks is keeping our bank account from going negative, so I am very grateful for that!

When I commented on that post, Ben was still employed with no inkling that he was about to lose his job of 28 years. I just thought it would be good to write news again and to make a bit of money at the same time. But God knew what was to come. I believe that He put this situation in place, and it will help us through this difficult time.

My triumphant return into the world of journalism, in the Oct. 3, 2024 edition.

And now you know the rest of the story.

Back in DC

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Belinda and I are at the hotel in DC for the night. We are staying at Washington Plaza Hotel, just six blocks from the White House. The cost of the room was paid for the National Organization of Rare Diseases, which is a great blessing!

Ben took to us to the airport this morning and we got through TSA, then Belinda asked for Starbucks. I warned her it would be expensive at the airport, but then I went ahead and let her. She got the smallest sized chai latte, so it wasn’t that bad.

We were sitting at the gate when there was an annoucement that someoone had left their bag somewhere and it was with security. Belinda and I exchanged a look at that poor person’s plight. Then we noticed she didn’t have her bag! Turns out I thought she had taken it with her to Starbucks, and I came and followed her after a few minutes and left it there. But everything was in it safe and and sound and the security people smiled and thanked us for getting it. I’m glad we didn’t lose it!

Southwest gave us priority boarding again because of Belinda’s medical condition. I wasn’t sure we should do that since she’s not in a wheelchair or anything, but it was the best way to ensure we would be seated together, and I need to be there instead of a stranger in case she has choking issues. There was also a service dog on the plane that was a very good dog.

The flight was direct this time, and we didn’t have anyone in our row with us. That was very nice. I wrote my articles for the Tuttle Times and read. She looked out the window, read, and napped. It was a good flight. The pilot apologized for the turbulence early in the flight, when we were getting around the storms, but I really didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. The flight attendants were super nice too. Just a good experience all around.

Belinda had apple juice and pretzels on the plane and she ate slowly and didn’t choke. She also had a few strawberries that I’d brought from home.

We got an uber to the hotel and the driver was very nice too. He was listening to hip hop and a Will Smith song came on while we were getting to the hotel and I took that as a good sign, since he is one of my all-time artist faves. Belinda didn’t recognize the song and said she only recognizes music by Ariana Grande.

Hotel is swanky and a doorman brought our luggage in and opened the door for us. Concierge is super sweet and helpful. She is going to print our White House passes for me, since I didn’t realize they needed to be printed until today. I finished up my stories and sent them while Belinda ate more strawberries. She did choke once, but went to the bathroom and it was okay.

Belinda wanted fettucine for dinner, and we found a little place about eight blocks away and walked there while the sun was setting. The place was pretty empty but the people were great and the food was too. It reminded us of the Chinese restaurant in Tuttle somehow. Belinda ate slow and didn’t choke. We also got cannoli to take back to the room which I’m looking forward to. We saw interesting architecture as we walked back and a church next door to the hotel had a group of people singing outside. We also saw a dog that looked like Bond from SpyXFamily.

(The church is the National City Christian Church. Wikipedia says it was built in 1930 and is the national church and cathedral of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ).

We passed the Metropolitan African Methodist Episcopal Church on our walk, and I told Belinda how the Obamas had attended some services there. We also walked by the Saint Germain Foundation, and I informed Belinda I understood that was a cult. She’s getting so much learning here.

It’s only 7 pm but it feels later. I’m not sure what we’re going to do tomorrow. I didn’t expect the procedure to be at 5 pm so I didn’t plan anything for the morning. She said she might like to see the Library of Congress. She can only have clear liquids after midnight. I bought a box of the kind of broth she likes. There’s a fridge in here but not a microwave, so I don’t know what to do about that. Maybe ask downstairs? I do have a thermos.

Now she’s on her computer, looking to see if she has anything else due for her college classes. She’s got the inflatable wedge blown up so she can sleep (she can’t safely lie down flat anymore after her original surgery). This is the first time attempting to sleep on the inflatable wedge. I’m not optimistic but we couldn’t really bring anything better without a lot of hassle.

There were two complimentary bottles of water in the room when we got here, and she already finished hers and now she’s taken mine. Oh well, I still have water from the airport in Oklahoma City so I’m doing okay.

We’re looking forward to tomorrow. This procedure is basically a balloon dilation to open up the lower esophagus due to too much scar tissue forming after the POEM procedure surgery. This one is outpatient, so that’s great! I hope this helps for a long, long time.

Balance

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How do you find balance when you have so many roles in life?

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Yesterday, as I typed at the coffee shop and nibbled on my biscotti, I felt very much like a cool, put-together writer person. Then I leisurely left and drove over to the location of our SCBWI meeting. I got a text that my writing bff was on her way, so I parked, went inside, hit two pokestops, and then ducked into the ladies’ room.

And that was when my youngest small person called. Concerning something with my oldest small person. And then I had to go home. No delightful dinner with friends. No get together. No sharing, no meeting, no socializing. I had to go home. I used to let my husband deal with these things on my writers’ night, but now he has joined SCBWI as an artist and I can’t just dump it on him anymore. So I went home. I told him he should go to the meeting but he went home too. I cooked dinner. We watched TV.

I have to admit, I cried a little on the way home. It’s hard to completely understand what I was feeling at the time. I knew that I could no longer enjoy myself at the meeting, knowing that things were going poorly at home. They are my responsibility. And I felt like I had been selfish to go to the coffee shop instead of just going home after helping Ben. I always feel a little selfish when I go to writing things anyway, but I told myself I deserved to be a little selfish. That it was good for me, and for them. And it was good for my writing career.

But is it really? Or am I just telling myself that so that I can indulge myself?

As I drove (it’s like almost an hour to get home from there), I thought that maybe I just wasn’t supposed to really immerse myself into the social aspect of writing at this time. Maybe I need to wait until the youngest is grown. That’s only about nine more years.

I’ve been going through so much spiritual awakening and growth lately, and the thought of this doesn’t even really bother me right now. I believe that things happen for a reason, and that we can learn and grow from all our experiences. But what is this telling me? For the moment, I’m still going to the upcoming conference. I have committed to work at it, and I’m not going to let the others down. But I asked my mother to help me with the home fires, and she is going to. I don’t feel that I should ask her to do this every time I want to go have fun, though.

Yesterday I planned that today I would go to the library in the next town over and use one of their private study rooms to work on my wip. I was going to take my index cards and reconsider each scene of the novel and their order. I also planned on bringing a notebook and working on excursions for an upcoming trip we’re going on. I thought I might take the kids and let them enjoy the library, or I’d leave them at home together. By the time I got home, I didn’t think either was a good idea. If I can’t feel comfortable leaving them at home together, how could I have them at the library? I’d have to focus on them instead of my work, because I’m not sure I can count on any of them to be responsible for the others.

So now I’m thinking I’ll do the trip planning stuff at the kitchen table. Then I can make my son do his math at the table with me, because he basically needs to be stared at to get his work done. He’s several weeks behind. Again. I can’t focus on my writing, but at least some things will get done.

I feel like I sound like I’m making excuses to not get done with my work. I want to do my work. I just can’t seem to figure out how to do it. Every thing I try leaves me blocked.

White space

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I think I work better without anything around me. I used to have a lot of cute things in my office – stuff from Frozen, artwork I’d made and my friends had made, stacks of books, plus piles of papers, unsorted bills, and other things I’d accumulated. But when we renovated the office area (it’s part of a mother-in-law add-on at our house that we cleaned up for my parents if they need it) I moved everything out. And now all that is in here is a desk, computer, printer, trash can, shredder, desk chair, floor mat, comfy chair, lamp, bookcase that is half filled and orderly, and the little hassock that my printer is sitting on.

I also have my laptop bag, a small stack of pink index cards with the scenes from my work in progress, and three essential oil blends I got yesterday from an etsy seller that are writing related and adorable. Oh, and there’s a desk lamp, monitor, external keyboard, mouse, and two wrist rests.

The desk is packed full of stuff that I really should go through, but other than that, there’s nothing else. And I guess when I write it out it sounds like a lot of stuff, but it’s not, really. And it’s nice. It’s nice to have all this white space around me. Well, the walls are light gray but you get me. It’s very calming.

Of course, speaking of the walls I noticed my new desk chair has made a few marks on the wall behind me and I need to figure out how to get those off.

When I was a junior high kid, I got put into in-school-suspension because I was not doing my schoolwork. Most kids got in there for fighting or things like that but I got it for not doing any homework. The teachers knew I was more than capable, and I guess they didn’t know what to do with me.

I LOVED IN-SCHOOL-SUSPENSION.

The only awkward part was when people saw me at lunch or after school and asked where I was all day and I had to tell them, and I was embarrassed about it. But being in the little room off of the school secretary’s office where the big butcher paper rolls were stored? That was blissful. I just sat there, with no window out and nothing really to look at. The teachers gave me my schoolwork at the start of the day, and instead of having to listen to them lecture about it before I could start working, I could just read the instructions and examples and go for it. Instead of having hours of homework every night that was too bothersome to do, I got it all done in probably an hour and spent the rest of the day reading the novels I’d brought with me. I only got to stay in there for three days, and when they put me back into the classroom, I went right back to my old habits. Poor teachers.

But looking back, I can see that the distractions were hard for me in school. And it was dreadful having to listen to a teacher lecture when I could figure out what to do on my own and just get it done. I still prefer to read something than watch a video telling me the same thing. I really dislike weather videos on facebook. Just give me a few sentences so I can go on with my day. And instructional videos on youtube. No, written instructions please or, you know what? I think I’ll just figure it out on my own.

So, long story short, I didn’t know I had ADHD until just recently, and it’s interesting learning more about myself and my learning styles.

I know this was kind of rambly but that’s also okay.

Marching forward

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Oh, the cleverness of me.

Anyway. I was dismayed to see that I posted in January but not February. I mean, having one blog post a month isn’t that lofty of a goal, but I failed. Anyway, on the brighter side, it’s not even the end of March and I’m doing it so we will leave the past in the past and focus on the now.

I haven’t been doing too terrible updating my planner. It’s probably not the best thing that I take my laptop to work each evening, because then I have to hook it all back up on my desk to work, and I don’t really care for that. I’d like the office to purchase a computer so I don’t have to lug mine around, and hopefully that will happen soon. But this is Spring Break so the dance studio is closed, so I can keep the laptop plugged in and not have to mess with it.

I also have a new-to-me TV on my desk, and that’s cool because I’m not hunched over like I was, looking at the laptop. The screen is a little bigger, too. I have new keyboard and mouse because I apparently lost the usb plug in thing for the old one, which is disappointing, but not super surprising. But the keyboard has nice resistance and is very clicky, which I like.

The office is tricked out with new carpet and there’s very little in this room now, which is probably a very good idea for me. I keep glancing out the windows, and I probably need to cover them up and just gosh-darn focus but it’s also nice to look out. I don’t know what I’ll choose. Nothing for now.

There’s no air conditioning at the moment, which doesn’t matter now but will in a few months. I don’t want the old window unit in here now that it’s so nice. I want real central air. I’m going to need to talk to the a/c guy I know and see how much it will take to make that happen. How will I pay for this? I don’t know but maybe something glorious will happen like a book will sell.

In my planner, I have several goals for March. I want to work on my current manuscript, particularly my middle grade vampire novel. I also plan to write a blog post this month, which is going nicely, thank-you-very-much, and to post something on my livejournal. My other goals are to write a poem and to read a novel. I’ve done okay with the one novel reading a month thing. I know it’s not a great goal but it beats my record for last year. I read The Secrets of Winterhouse in January and Under a Painted Sky for February, both by other clients of Rena’s. Hoping to read The Simple Art of Flying in March but I haven’t started yet. I have many more that I purchased with good intentions – most by my friends – but I didn’t feel like I was in the right state of mind. I might still not be, but one a month is working so far. And maybe it will help me get back into that state of mind, so I’ll feel more like a writer and less like a Netflix/Hulu/HBO Max/Disney+ watching zombie.

I have other things on my to-do list. Many of them are for church. One is remembering to pay for web hosting. Hopefully. One is a thing for the theater. I think the things for Easter, for church, are the biggest. I need to get anything ordered that I’m using for that this week so I get it on time. The egg hunt is one of the biggest things we do all year and I’m looking forward to seeing the kids run around and get eggs. We had thirteen in children’s church last week for Pajamas and Pie day and that was good.

I went to a funeral for a good friend from church today. There were so many people there. I wore my mask and so did the guy next to me but we were in a vast minority. Maybe most people are vaccinated now. I think I should still be immune but it’s still a good idea to wear the mask, I think. If nothing else, it makes others feel comfortable wearing theirs too.

Last month I had some small victories. I entered several things in the OWFI writing contest, including one rather saucy limerick, lol. I wonder what they’ll think of that one. I also wrote a first draft of a picture book biography, then went and visited her hometown, then revised and resent to Rena. Hopefully that’s going to be a positive thing.

Here’s what I still want/need to get for my office. Hoping that doing these last few things will help me stop procrastinating and get this show on the road.
–New chair. This chair is 20 years old and doesn’t have a high back. I want one with more support.
–Plastic mat thing to protect the carpet from the office chair.
–Wrist rest for the keyboard and the mouse.
–Microwave for the kitchen.
I guess I want to get some other stuff for the kitchen, like cups for tea and glasses for water, and a dishcloth, but this is the majority of it. I also want to get the porch screened in, but that obviously isn’t going to happen instantaneously or anything. I might want to get a new monitor. This one isn’t as awesome as I want because I can’t seem to adjust the picture on it, and it’s not quite the right size. It’s okay and certainly doable but it’s not awesome. Oh, and I also want to find some kind of piece of furniture to hold my printer. I don’t need a printer until the first of the month though, for critique group. I guess not even then, because we’re virtual for now. But eventually.

Eventually was my 999th word, so now I’m over 1,000. Wish it was as easy to write fiction as it is to blab on here.

Not a real update

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Nothing really to add here but I haven’t posted since this summer so now that it’s after Labor Day it seemed like it was right time to do it.

I am still plotting the NEW thing and it’s still a really good idea. It’s difficult to work on though. I think it has something to do with what I perceive as little to no progress in publishing for me. We aren’t supposed to compare ourselves to others but it’s difficult. I have had work on submission for almost five years now. Lots of positive rejections but no sales. It’s hard to identify what I am doing wrong and how to change it. It’s hard to get motivated to write another book when it may all come to nothing, again. I had a goal for several years. Write a good enough book to get an agent. And I stayed motivated and I met that goal. But the flatline I hit after that has not been easy to comprehend or work with.

I believe God has a plan for each of us. Is this not His plan for me? Is that why it just isn’t working out? I have been to therapists about this (and other issues) but I’ve never seemed to find the solution. Is this burnout? Is there a way back from it? I still have hope but I can’t seem to get the fire fully lit under me and I don’t know what to do about it.

Well, that got realer than I anticipated.

Something NEW

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I have started something new. I wanted to write it here so I’d remember the date and know that I believe I am on the precipice of something very important.

My current WIP is not going well. I can’t get into it. It’s a good story, and I like the characters, but writing feels too much like work at the moment. I need it to be more fun. The world is in chaos and I want to be able to lose myself to my work, as best I can.

I believe this is a middle grade. I haven’t done one in a while. I am working on the setting. This is different for me, because I feel the need to map out the world and plan out all the characters that live in this world before I even begin writing. I do have a feel for the soul of the main character, at least, although I do not know gender or much else. But I am starting to know who they are. But I want maps and information about all the areas on the maps and information on all the characters and their families and friends. Beyond main and secondary characters, to some degree.

Most times when I write I don’t plot out much. I tried it with the current WIP and I have it all and I know what’s going to happen, but it hasn’t captured my imagination. I don’t know why I feel even more plotting and planning will work, but hey, maybe it won’t. The thing is, I want to design this world and plan this town and all the people. It sounds fun to me. And hopefully when I’m finished I can give the people in it the story I am simmering in my mind.

For now I want to find some good software to build my maps in.

Back at it

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Got a few new words yesterday and then plotted out the next scene, which had been proving difficult. Got some help brainstorming from my friend Kim and that proved invaluable.

Today I was so busy, as usual, but maybe my eyes were opened a bit to how busy I actually am and how much I typically do. It’s not really surprising that I haven’t gotten much writing done lately. Today:

…My son woke me up because he missed the vo-tech bus and needed a ride to the county seat, thirty miles away.
…I did my chronological Bible study and also read some of the book of Luke, for a weekly class I’m doing.
…I went to the store and got eye drops since I’ve still got my sinus issue and it hurts my right eye.
…I’m sick, lol.
…I went to see my therapist in Oklahoma City.
…I’m now at work and will be here for a couple of hours. I’m thinking if I get everything done I’ll attempt to write some here.

And I also need to find my daughter’s headshots for an audition Saturday (I hope I find them because if I don’t, doing new ones will take a LOT longer) and I need to get my son’s transcript done for vo-tech. I only have today and tomorrow to get those things taken care of. I’m also having some small issues with the new medication. I’m kind of tingly/numb on my fingers and feet, and my cheeks, and that’s disconcerting. Also, my stomach started hurting last night about this time and now it’s happening again. I ate a cheese stick in the hopes of warding it off if it’s hunger (last night I didn’t eat anything but it went away after an hour or so).

And, not gonna lie, I also watched an episode of The Office because I’ve been listening to the Office Ladies podcast in the car and this one had a few things I wanted to see so I ended up watching all of it, and I played a few rounds of my favorite phone games. And I looked at social media. But not as much as usual, thanks new medication.

And I am fully aware that blogging here is another way of procrastination from my actual work of my novel. But this is infinitely easier, and I feel like I should do it somewhat often.

Tomorrow I’m going to try to write first and then do the rest. I really wanted to do the Bible stuff first, but that has gone pretty well since the first of the year so hopefully I can continue with it even if it’s not first. Writing seems to be the hardest of all, at least for now, so I should do it when my brain is freshest. We’ll see.