I got a response from the Highlights Foundation. They did offer me a scholarship, but it isn’t a full one, and I’m still not sure if I can make it work. Probably not. But I suppose I’ll look at our finances and see. It’s hard to justify spending more than a thousand dollars on myself when we have overdue medical bills.

I got an email from my agent with a few rejections for my novel on submission. I wonder if I should offer to do another revision. I know I need to plow ahead with my wip, so maybe I’ll wait on the offer. After all, my agent thinks it is good enough, and I trust her.

I also started taking a new medication yesterday. I talked to my doctor and therapist and took a test, and it appears I have ADD. I’m hoping this will help me focus and get back into my writing after this long hiatus. Doing okay so far today, but I’m still so busy I haven’t gotten to the novel yet, and it’s almost time for my SCBWI meeting. I think maybe I’ll reread what I’ve done and then focus on new words tomorrow.

That’s it.

I just submitted my application for the Highlights Foundation. <3

So I’d like to go to an unworkshop with my agent at the Highlights Foundation in a couple of months. It’s out of my price range, especially since I’d have to take two flights to get there, but they offer scholarships. I filled out the form months ago and then didn’t have my tax return info easily accessible, so I paused and after a while, I decided I was not worthy of a scholarship and that there were many more deserving people out there, so I didn’t apply. Fast forward to last week and I had finally decided to fill out the form again. So I did. This is a pretty long form, with several essay type questions. It’s not overly long, but we all know how I loathe doing anything twice, so it took some work, but I filled it out again. I did that at the Mustang Library that Saturday I was there. Once more, didn’t have the tax return info.

Called husband and he didn’t think he actually printed it out. Said it should be on my computer.

My computer.

The one that had the terrible hard drive death earlier this year.

So I came home and looked to see if we’d printed a copy, which it appears we haven’t. And I looked on my external backup drives, but the return doesn’t seem to be on any of them either. So I contacted the IRS and ordered a tax return transcript that would have the information I needed. And I waited.

All this time, the application is still on my computer, filled out and ready. It’s webpage-based, so I typed it right on there, but when I go and look, it’s all still on there. All is well.

Last night, I started thinking that I really should copy and paste my long-form answers, so I wouldn’t have to do them again if my browser crashed or something. So I did the responsible thing and copied the first answer and pasted it into a document. And then I went back to the browser and every answer was now blank.

I cried, ya’ll. I was at the dance studio just trying to do my little receptionist job that I trade part of my daughter’s dance tuition for, and I was sitting there crying and hoping nobody came in and asked why I was crying.

Two times I’ve filled out this form. And nothing to show for it. I even deleted the one answer I got, since I was so upset and it was the shortest one anyway. Keeping that one would have been more painful than starting over.

Today, I’m okay. I can fill it out again, and I don’t have to wait months to be ready to do that this time. I’m obviously going to wait until I have the tax return transcript in hand, but that should be this week or next week.

So that’s how things are going, lol.

I’m at the Mustang Library today. I am planning to write. I got up this morning and thought I’d make breakfast for the family and then saw that they left a mess in the kitchen last night, after I specifically asked them not to, lol. Anyway, I needed to get out of there so I just drove. I was going to get breakfast but I apparently forgot my wallet but I had some chips in my bag so I ate some of those. Oh, I also forgot to take my medication before leaving the house but I assume it will be all right. I’ve forgotten it before and survived. I got in a study room and I have it for two hours. Then I can pick up the grocery order I made and take it home. Maybe they will feel guilty enough to clean the kitchen before then. I doubt it. They will probably kind of clean it up but it won’t be as good as I left it yesterday. Like…counters won’t be wiped and the stuff on the floor will still be there and the trash cans will be full.

I’m tired of fighting all the time. I would like to not be the one responsible for everything. I suppose I’m not, but it really feels that way. I want to focus on my writing and be successful.

I lost some of my work and I have to write it again. That blows. But I guess that’s my goal for today.

It’s kind of nice here. Maybe I’ll come here more often.

Today is the day for puppet scripts. I write them for my church, and I need to do some for this week’s lesson. I have a lot of other work to do at church today, but this is the one I put off the most so obviously I need to do it first. It’s on Faithfulness this time.

I’m trying to be faithful to God, and do what I feel He is calling me to do. I believe that He is behind my writing, and especially that He gave me my first novel. But now writing seems so hard to find time for, and so confusing. Where did I find the time before? I was doing most of the same things I’m doing now. And my children are older and more self sufficient. So how is it harder now? I don’t know.

Am I still meant to be a published author? Or am I just meant to write puppet scripts and skits and newspaper columns? I’m very good at those things.

Is that all I was meant to do all along?

How do people stay positive when everything seems to not be, and will never be happening? Is it all an act?

Today I wrote for the first time in 2020.

It’s only the sixth day, so I suppose it’s not that bad, but it’s not the way I wanted things to go. But life called, in its insistent way, and I had to put other things first.

I didn’t write much on my novel today. I did a big thing on my journal, but then I only wrote about 250 words. Which isn’t that great. I was doing okay but then my family came around and kept interrupting me so I moved on to my next project, which was working at church. I did some stuff there and then I had to go to my part time job (which isn’t for money but for credit to pay for my daughter’s dance tuition) and that was about the rest of the day. I might try to add to my words this evening, but I might not. I don’t need to beat myself up because I can keep doing better from here.

That’s about it…just wanted to post something and say hello, ha ha.

I bought a planner so we’ll see how that goes.

Lofty ideas include blogging regularly and actually writing. Not holding my breath.