Author Archives: Regina Garvie

The people you’ve spent the most time with this year and what you did

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I’m getting more annoyed with these each day. I mean, I’m not mad at them or anything, and I’m going to keep attempting it, but I don’t feel like “December Journaling If You Feel Like You Haven’t Achieved Much This Year” is really giving me amazing insights. Then again, I’m not going to make up a calendar like this for others people to work through, so I shouldn’t be complaining.

The people you’ve spent the most time with this year and what you did.

My family. The end. Ha ha.

No, but, that’s who it is. It interests me that I’m sure the person who wrote out these questions didn’t expect for all the answers to basically revolve around family. It makes me curious as to who that person is and what their life is like.

I spent most of my time with my family. Mostly Ben, Mom, Sarah (in the house peeps), then Belinda (home most weekends and I wish it was more but I know she can’t realistically do that), then Bennett, Mia, Lenora, Ben R, then Karlene, then Krislyn, then Gary and Kevin. I actually probably see Karlene the same or more than my married children. It probably varies.

Outside of the family I’d say it would be my church family, and then…I don’t know. Used to be the SCBWI group, but I don’t get to those things as much as I used to. I do go up to the school and see them somewhat frequently.

But as far as what we did, we just did what families do when they are together. We watch movies, we eat food, we play games like trivial pursuit and bananagrams. We played Bible trivia the last time we did that and it was fun.

The person I spend the most time with is Mom and she is driving me crazy. I bought her a cozy mock turtleneck dickey and first she said it was great, and then she said she was too hot and that she was frightened and was very upset. So I took it off and left her with only a regular mock turtleneck dickey and now she is way too cold and keeps coming back and asking me for the other one, and I’m not going to do it because it will make her too hot again. I gave her a throw to cover up with while she watches TV. It’s hard for me when she interrupts me when I’m working on something and focusing, but it’s even worse when it the same thing back and forth.

I’m looking forward to being with Belinda in the hospital and having a break from being here, honestly.

Anyway, that’s what we do.

The specific places you frequented this year and memories

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I guess I forgot to do “December Journaling If You Feel Like You Haven’t Achieved Much This Year” again yesterday, so I’ll post date this one too. I don’t know what happened – yesterday was busy but not any more than usual, as far as I can remember. Anyway.

The specific places you frequented this year and memories.

Well, I know we went to Alva quite a bit this year. I guess some of those, like the Miss Cinderella pageant for Belinda and the Ranger Preview she went to were actually last year. This year I know we went there several times, but I don’t remember all the details. We went to the administration building to sign some papers at the financial aid office. That might have been during the Spring Showcase, but I didn’t remember that Belinda went to that, since she went to Ranger Preview and it’s basically the same thing twice. We also went to Northwestern when she got her bed installed in her room and then a couple of times to move things. Then we were there for Family Day and for Homecoming, and all of those had nice memories. Family Day had a scavenger hunt that was not like the homecoming one, alas, but we did it anyway and also had Taco Village and went to the little luncheon they had (even though we’d already had TV so we didn’t have room for chicken alfredo). It was still nice visiting. And then for homecoming we got to see the homecoming sign that Belinda did the lettering for, and we also did the big scavenger hunt and came in second by just minutes – but we had a fantastic time doing it! Sarah also got to tour the campus while we were there for Homecoming, and she thinks she might like to go there for college.

We also went to Gatlinburg over the summer, for Belinda’s last dance competition, and that was a really good time. The only thing I didn’t get done was posting photos because I was waiting for the nationals dance photos to post, and so I didn’t get those on fb because time got away from me. And now I’m trying to remember if I ever downloaded the nationals photos! I’ll add that to my to-do list to check on. I thought I would post those for the one year anniversary of the trip.

Same thing with Bennett and Mia’s wedding pics. I was waiting because I wanted to let them post the ones they wanted to post first, so I’d know which ones Mia liked best and could just follow her lead, but again, time got away from me. I am definitely posting those on their one-year anniversary (which again, I need to start planning asap because that is a lot of pics to look at)!

I spent more time than I would have thought at Mia’s family’s church, where the wedding was held. Her family has begun a theatre right at the church, and I’ve gone and seen Bennett and Mia and the rest of the family in several productions. And of course we’ve frequented our church a lot. And Fourth St. Theater.

I have also frequented Walmart but I don’t think I’m going to put any memories of that here, ha ha.

Memories from the year that make you smile, no matter how ordinary

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It’s the first Saturday in December! We are now 10 days out from Belinda’s procedure. Time to think about packing and things like that. I was a little concerned with how to pay for food while we are in DC (I’m working to get insurance to pay a per diem, but that will still be reimbursed after and we don’t really have cash on hand), but I found that my snap card will work there, so that’s a relief. We can at least go to a grocery store or little convenience store to pick up food that we can heat up in the room. YAY!

So back to “December Journaling If You Feel Like You Haven’t Achieved Much This Year.” Today we have Memories from the year that make you smile, no matter how ordinary.

My brain isn’t what it used to be; I’ve had brain fog since I had Covid in December 2020, and although the curcumin is helping, it’s definitely not what it was. So it’s difficult for me to think back on things. But…I do a reasonably good job at keeping up with facebook posts and a fair job of keeping up with my livejournal, so I can look back at those memories and see what that triggers!

Okay, first thing that came up from my livejournal (latest posts first) was from November, and it definitely made me smile.

Copy and pasted right from my lj —> Yesterday afternoon we played trivia after cake and ice cream for Mom. I got a few that I was very proud of! I knew Exxon Valdex, lorem ipsum, and a few others that I sadly can’t remember now. I should have kept notes, lol. But I was mostly proud of this one: The question was who said at the OJ trial, if it does not fit, you must acquit? I knew exactly who it was and I couldn’t think of his name! I could think of OJ Simpson, Kato Kaelin, Marsha Clark. I even came up with Mark Furman, and then I remembered in the movie I watched about it, the John Travolta guy saying “Bob” very disparingly, so I thought it might be Bob something until I finally realized now, that was Robert Kardashian (Ross from friends was him in the movie). I knew I could get it but my poor brain can’t do anything anymore! So I sat and thought. I had to put my fingers in my ears to concentrate. And then someone mentioned South Park. Lenora said she thinks it was her, saying 6-7. And that made me think of a song where the person was mentioned. I could hear the song going “I got OJ fre-e.” And it was South Park. No…no…it was Book of Mormon! It was Spooky Mormon Hell Dream! So I started singing it and then I got to the part Genghis Khan, Jeffrey Dahmer, Hitler, JOHNNY COCHRAN! Hooray! It wasn’t even for a pie but oh how proud I was that I came up with that!!!! And Travolta was Robert Shapiro and I had to look that up after and I had to look it up now but I got it!

Before that, it was how happy Sarah was when the band did such a great job at competition, and she hugged me, and thanked me for making her do band! That was very very happy!

I also smile when I remember being at Northwestern when we were helping Belinda get moved into the dorms, and the kids wanted me to take a picture of them – Lenora, Bennett, and Belinda, sitting on her bed. And then I turned around and took a picture of the always good sports, Mia and Ben R, who were leaning on the wall behind me and waiting for their spouses.

Oh! And Bennett and Mia got married this year, on January 25! That makes me smile and I also smile at how they decided to marry that day and it was my parents’ wedding anniversary. It made me very happy to see Mom’s wedding topper on the groom’s table (it was also on the cake at Lenora’s wedding, which was also happy but was last year.)

Right now I’m smiling while I’m in the dark car in the parking lot, typing on my laptop using my hotspot. I’m waiting for the Christmas musical show that Bennett and Mia are in to begin. Bennett wanted me to drive him here ahead of time, so I did that but then I had a couple of hours before the show started. It’s been very nice to just sit here in the dark listening to Christmas carols on the radio. Ben is giving Will a ride home from the hospital and Sarah is with Mom, another good thing. [Edited to add that I found out later that Karlene actually ended up coming over to sit with Mom, and Sarah got to go to rehearsal after all!] I’m very glad I get to support Mia and Bennett at their performance, especially because they’re both sick but the show much go on. I’m also thankful that Krislyn let Ben miss rehearsal last night and is letting Sarah miss it tonight. She is such a help with the Mom caregiver thing. So is Ben, Karlene, Sarah, Kevin, and Gary. And Lenora and Ben. And Bennett and Mia. And Belinda!

I have such a joyful, blessed life. I do complain quite a bit, but I really shouldn’t. This life is very good.

Ten days

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In 10 days, Belinda and I will once again be getting on an airplane and going to Washington, DC, for her procedure. It will be a scope plus dilation if she needs it, which they will decide when they’re in there. I bet she will. She needed one in the spring too. I think she might not be drinking enough water. I know that’s hard when you’re a busy teen, but her health is on the line. I’ll talk to the doctors about that when we are in DC.

We fly out on the 15th, the procedure is on the 16th, and we return on the 18th. I am very thankful that it won’t be quite as rushed as the last one was. The flights are set and taken care of, as is the hotel room. I’ll get reimbursed for ground transportation. I think I will get a newspaper check before that, so I’ll put that in the bank and use that to pay for the ground transportation up front, and for food.

Routines you’ve upheld and stuck to that ground you

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These actually aren’t as fun as I hoped they would be. “December Journaling If You Feel Like You Haven’t Achieved Much This Year” is not making me feel amazing about myself yet, unfortunately.

Routines you’ve upheld and stuck to that ground you.

I’m autistic and I have adhd. I dislike keeping routines; I want every day to feel fun and fancy free, without burdens. And not only does it have to be a routing I’ve upheld, it also has to ground me? Like…what?

I don’t know about grounding, but I do get up most mornings to take Sarah to school. Sometimes I have an appointment in the morning or I’m sick or I’m just feeling super lazy, and I have Ben do it, but it’s usually me. I don’t think that grounds me. It’s just something I have to do.

Taking care of Mom in the morning is the same. I get her pills, turn on the tv (it’s finicky since we got a new router), make her coffee, make her oatmeal, bring the meal to her, and then change the channel to what she enjoys. Also not grounding. It’s also just something I have to do.

This year I have read my Bible sporadically, practiced self-care sporadically, ate healthy sporadically, exercised sporadically, kept the house clean sporadically, wrote sporadically, and worked in the car sporadically.

I breathed deep a few times, prayed less than I should, went outside and stood on the ground in my bare feet a couple of times, used essential oils maybe twice, and conquered a disturbing amount of levels of Candy Crush. Some of those (not the game, unfortunately) might be grounding, but I didn’t do the regular. I think the only thing I’m doing regular is playing Candy Crush. I also did Duolingo every day, but I mostly do the fastest review just to keep my streak up, because I’m not good at languages and I really have to be convinced to move forward in my lessons because I don’t want to go to fast and become completely confused like I did in high school Spanish.

So I don’t know about this one. I guess I wrote stuff about it though, so that’s good enough.

An ordinary, everyday conversation you remember

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Day 4 and it’s actually December 4! If I get it posted today I will be caught up on “December Journaling If You Feel Like You Haven’t Achieved Much This Year,” yay.

An ordinary, everyday conversation you remember.

I don’t know. This is odd. If it was ordinary and everyday, why would I remember it? I can remember lots of conversations, but there was something important and different about them.

I suppose one I remember very well was between me and Sarah and her therapist, mostly with Sarah talking, and that was a very rough conversation. I don’t really want to recite it here. Sarah’s been through a lot.

One thing you overcame this year

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Another “December Journaling If You Feel Like You Haven’t Achieved Much This Year” entry. As noted before, it’s actually December 4 and I’m playing catch up. Truly, I only saw the list on December 2, so I always knew I would be late, but then I forgot on both the 3rd and the 4th. ADHD, woo!

One thing you overcame this year.

Wow, I wish I had done these each day so I wouldn’t be sort of rushing through the beginning. Also, Ben is watching TV and I don’t think my headphones are charged, so this isn’t the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Anyway…

Nothing is coming to mind…

Okay – her it is! I overcame the huge headache that was getting Sarah’s drivers license!!

Sarah took Drivers Ed at Browns at the beginning of the summer. As soon as it was done, we got online to do the permit test. But no, it wouldn’t let us because I’m not her legal parent. Even though I had the power of attorney. Okay, so we needed to go in person to do the permit test. And that required two forms of ID.

I also learned that in Oklahoma, the legal parent or guardian of the student needs to go along when they take their permit and drivers tests. I found there was an alternate way, if the parent signed a specific document and had it notarized. Sometimes Will comes on Sundays for lunch, but I wasn’t confident in bringing a notary in on short notice like that. So I got online and became an official notary public. Since Will isn’t a blood relative or anything, it was okay for me to notarize it. I ordered my bond and my stamp thing, and a few weeks later, Will came for lunch and I got him to sign it! Another thing checked off.

Anyway, Sarah didn’t have a birth certificate anymore at that point. Will said it had been lost. I needed to have certain documents to be able to get it. We had her social security card, and she signed it (after practicing cursive for a while, lol). But we had no photo ID, no mail here in her name, nothing like that. I had a power of attorney, but they wouldn’t accept it because the rules said it had to be court-certified (not a thing in Oklahoma, as far as I could find out).

So after failing with the power of attorney, I found out that at 16, Sarah could order her own birth certificate, so that started to help. BUT she needed that second ID. The Internet said a high school transcript would work if it had her address! I had that! So we sent those in. Nope, it has to have a photo of her on it. I pointed out where it didn’t mention that, but that was only for people who have a high school that was out of state…not those that are in Oklahoma. WHAT. So back to the drawing board. I considered just putting her photo on the pdf of the transcript, but I knew that could come back to bite me. Ditto on making a student ID for her. See, Tuttle doesn’t do student IDs.

So this went back and forth and back and forth for months and months and months. I cried to people on the phone from Vitachek (the company that handles this for the state) and people in Oklahoma. I had a lady from Oklahoma say that the power of attorney plus transcript would work fine, so I uploaded that to vitalchek, who denied it, and when I tried to find that lady again, she had vanished. And the next guy I talked to was another make me cry person.

So I just waited for a bit as I licked my wounds and prepared myself mentally for another tactic. In the meantime, I went to Parent Teacher Conference night at the school. While there, Karlene and I got to talking to Sarah’s geometry teacher. I mentioned my difficulty, and she said that I should ask at administration if they could make her a photo ID like the ones the teachers had. It was so simple it was brilliant. I knew those people at administration and they’ve been super helpful with the situation. I had an interview scheduled with the superintendent already for the newspaper. And what do you know, it was no big deal. They did it, I scanned it and sent it to Vitalchek, and it was approved! We wanted to come pick it up, but it turned out only Sarah could do that, not me, even with a signed note from her authorizing it, and she’d have to – lol – bring her photo ID with her to prove it was her. Hilarious!

So we waited two more weeks and it came in the mail.

I was so excited! So it took us a few days, just because Sarah does have a busy after school schedule, but then we drove to Chickasha and filled out a bunch of stuff and signed stuff and did her photo and eye test…and then she didn’t pass by one! UGH!

BUT…the nice lady there told us that now that she was in the system, she could take the test online without the earlier restrictions. We had more busy days, and then she got on there and passed right away. That was right before her birthday, and on her birthday we drove down there and got that permit!

She still has the paper version and it’s in the car so she’s ready to go. The real one (we did REAL ID too) is coming in a few weeks. She’s been driving (on the back roads) and she goes real slow but hey, that’s how this has been going so I’m used to it!

That’s something I overcame! Stupid bureaucracy and red tape, but we did it!

Reminds me of finally getting Belinda’s diagnosis, but that wasn’t this year. Accomplishments!

Three ways you’ve helped other people this year, even if it’s gone unnoticed

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My memory isn’t the best, which is an issue for “December Journaling If You Feel Like You Haven’t Achieved Much This Year” work.

Three ways you’ve helped other people this year, even if it’s gone unnoticed.

1. Mom lives here, and that’s been a big one. Since the last mini stroke her memory has taken a big nosedive. I love her and I’m glad she’s here, but boy…it’s getting harder.

2. I helped with getting ACT I through our reorganization and restart. I’m not really satisfied with this because I wasn’t able to write the grants I wanted to do, but hopefully I’ll rectify that soon.

3. I have been being helped myself at the local food pantries through Ben’s unemployment. I used to do extreme couponing (before Marissa died) and I had a big bag full of disposable razors. These were 11 razors per package and I would guesstimate there were at least 50 packages. So I donated over 500 razors back to those food pantries, since they also have toiletries for those in need. I was glad to find a place to for them besides my laundry room, and they will go to help other people!

Three positive things that happened this year

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I saw this little calendar of journal prompts called: “December Journaling If You Feel Like You Haven’t Achieved Much This Year,” and I thought I’d go ahead and give that a try. I’m dating this back to the 1st even though I forgot to do this until the 4th!

Three positive things that happened this year

I find this a little difficult, because even though I know I can easily think of three positive things that happened this year, I’m not sure I will think of the three BEST things and that’s what I’d really like to do. But I also don’t want to go back and look at stuff. So I’m going to write down what I think of now.

1. Sarah coming to live with us. This was in March and I am so glad she is here!

2. Belinda graduating from high school! She had a 4.0 and is now going to Northwestern Oklahoma State University and it makes me very happy and proud. I wish I was there right now, matter of fact!

Now that I did those two, I really want to think of something for Bennett and Lenora.

3. I’ll start with Lenora, because she moved back to Tuttle this summer after the lease ended on the Guthrie house. They lived in the apartment until this last month and now they’re in a duplex. Which is a little sad that she’s not here but also I’m happy for them! It was great having Ben R here too. He’s so positive and always such a good Christian witness.

4. And Bennett. Honestly, he’s doing so well at his job and just being steady. I went with him to some chamber events, a school board meeting, and city council meeting this year and it was fun! He comes over sometimes for lunch and it makes me so happy. Plus, I got to know Mia better this year and got to see her perform several times. That is all so good!

So that’s three+1 positive things that happened this year!

DL D’OH

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I got another bill from DLO, about Belinda’s testing for allergies. This was supposed to have been taken care of months ago. It was another of those things that were denied because Healthcare Highways kept popping up as Belinda’s insurance, so the Soonercare would be secondary insurance, so they denied the claim. I had already talked to DLO and to Humana Healthy Horizons, multiple times, and I felt like surely it would be fixed by now. The letter said it was going to go to collections.

So even though Thanksgiving is right on the horizon and my hands are super full, I picked up the phone and called again. The lady I talked to was super nice, and she said she could see where Healthcare Highways had been taken off Belinda’s account. She said it was going to be sent to Humana Healthy Horizons again and it should be taken care of now.

I hope so!

Also, just as a reminder, when it comes to Belinda’s health insurance (and mine):

HH=BAD
HHH=GOOD

What a difference an H can make!